How To Overcome The Shame Around Drinking

Jan. 31

The difference between guilt and shame.

I know a thing or two about this from personal experience and even more after getting the opportunity to work with thousands of women.

Guilt around drinking is a useful tool but shame can really keep us stuck and trapped.

Let me distinguish between the two.

Guilt is actually valuable and helpful.

Guilt says “what I did was wrong or bad but I can learn from that and do better. I will do something different next time and I can move forward.”.

Guilt is a great thing because it just points in a different direction and that can be productive.

It doesn't mean that you're bad or wrong… it just means what you did can be course correct.

Now shame on the other hand is very different.

Shame is unproductive and can really keep you stuck.

It's actually destructive.

Shame says “I'm bad. I need to hide, punish myself and feel constant regret (like keep paying for it). I can't live in my own skin without carrying around all of this regret and self-loathing.” Often leading you into hiding or isolation.

How to shift from shame to guilt?

There's a mental shift that can go on here.

You can take your negative experiences and rather than beating yourself up for that what if you looked at it like…

because I've lived through this experience I can have a different view.

Have you ever heard the term “wounded healers”?

When you've been in a situation where you got a chance to learn and grow, it actually makes you feel better when you're in that circumstance again.

It's not all bad y'all.

I know for me I've definitely had moments where because of my drinking habits I didn't feel a hundred percent present in my own life.

It wasn't really aligned with who I wanted to be.

I used that as fuel to show up in my own life the way I really want to and that actually motivates me.

When I shift it to guilt it says “I don't want to do that again. I don't like the way that made me feel!”.

Whereas if I let shame in, it would say “don't don't be that person again… in fact, you are that person forever. You can’t change. That's who you are. You’re flawed. You’re broken.”.

What I've learned is…